I’m Happy to Be a Selfish Mom

In 2022, we’re all aware of the need for self-care.

Whether it be a corporate office pretending to give a crap by extending lunch breaks or a spouse that feels they exemplified selflessness by “letting” a mom shower in peace, there’s a lot of pretending out there when it comes to self-care.

Self-care in Motherhood

It shouldn’t even be such a buzzword in motherhood because the idea around self-care when you’re a mom is to simply take tiny bits of time to “recharge,” just to go back to motherhood. When will society accept moms are people, too?

The thing is, while there’s a ton of support around taking care of yourself, even as a mom *gasp*, there’s a lot of judgment in the practical day-to-day aspect of it.

Not to mention, self-care isn’t just bubble baths and face masks. It’s about making your needs a priority so you can be the best version of yourself for yourself, in addition to the people and things you care about.

Here are several things I do that are frequently looked at as being selfish:

  • I’m a part-time law school student and a full-time employee. When I was first accepted into law school, the overwhelming response I got was not “congratulations,” it was “I hope this is for the best and you can pull this off with a kid.”
  • My daughter typically goes straight to the gym every weekday when my fiancé or I pick her up. I’ve been thrown many comments such as, “How do y’all have time for that every day? Does she even get to relax at home for a little bit before it’s bedtime?”
  • I take time to myself. I don’t mean when I’m already tired and burnt out, I mean before that because I don’t want to get to that point. I cannot count the number of times someone said, “Why do you need alone time already? Didn’t she just get back from your mom’s?”

Here are ways my daughter benefits from this “selfishness:”

  • By going to law school, my daughter is seeing that she can also be whomever she chooses to be, mom or not. I want her to not only have a better financial future but also see through my actions that she doesn’t have to box herself into a category once she chooses a career or becomes a mom.
  • My daughter LOVES going to the gym. She loves playing with the other kids there. In addition to this, she is seeing through my fiancé and I’s actions that living an active lifestyle is not far out of reach, as so much of our society thinks.
  • I’m a present mom. Taking time to myself allows me to slow down and be a better mom. I can confidently say that I’m so in tune with what is going on with my daughter and what she is experiencing because I take time to myself on a regular basis. I may have to sit in a parking lot for a little bit and transition my brain away from work and school some days before I pick her up, but when I get to her it’s all about her.

I’m the only person in the world that can give my daughter a happy, fulfilled mother.

I’m at peace with being selfish if that’s what I am because I know it makes me an amazing mom. I’m HAPPY. Therefore, my daughter is HAPPY. I’m so HAPPY to be a selfish mom because we are so much better off for it.

Deon Sumer
Hi, I’m Deon! I grew up in Zachary, Louisiana. I am currently attending Southern University Law Center part-time, where I am also a teaching assistant, with the intention of practicing family law. I work full-time at the East Baton Rouge Law Office of the Public Defender as a secretary. I had my daughter, Evelyn, in the fall of 2018 and am engaged to an amazing, supportive man named Ryan. I love traveling and exploring new places. A plane ticket to anywhere with a rental car waiting for me is a solid vacation. I have a degree in mass communications with a concentration in public relations and a minor in political science from LSU. I have a rescue dog at home and love helping with animal welfare efforts. My daughter’s first word was dog (or ‘gog’). I'm also always looking for ways to join the fight against Louisiana's domestic violence epidemic. I spend the majority of my free time gardening or wandering around our neighborhood with my family.


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