Every day I see posts about encouraging and supporting single moms. And we absolutely should encourage single moms. But somehow and somewhere along the way a false narrative was set out to say that married moms have it all together. Somewhere the misconception began that married moms do not deserve or desire support and encouragement. Well, I’m a married mom and I need these things too. Parenting is hard. Single parenting is hard. Married parenting is hard. Co-parenting is hard. Being a mom is hard! By no means is this post to make light of the plight single moms are experiencing. It is simply to say, please stop mom-shaming married moms when we say we need help.
Prior to having children of my own, I was that friend that would rearrange her schedule to help her friends with children. Why? Because it takes a village, right? Well, little did I know that village would be limited to me because I have a husband. More times than I care to count I have reached out for help and the first response I get is, “Where is your husband?” Well, Monica, if he was available to carry the load, I wouldn’t be asking you. And it is often followed with a story of how they did it without a husband. Well, thanks, Missy, that really resolved my dilemma. I can absolutely see how your story helped me finish my workday and get my kids to two different locations at the same time. I sincerely appreciate the time I lost listening.
Yes, it is extremely frustrating. Most moms are literally doing their absolute best. This applies to all moms. Children do not mysteriously need mom less because Daddy is present. Little fingers do not disappear from under doors because Mommy is married. Little bruises don’t stop needing mommy’s kisses because she put on her best makeup and sashayed down an aisle to her Prince Charming.
We aren’t in competition with one another. There’s no race to be the best or even worst or better still most exhausted mom. We are simply trying to harmonize the support of one another. We are moving to normalize giving one another that quick nod in the grocery store that says, “Way to Go, Momma.” We aren’t rushing to the finish line of “look at me.” We are just saying, hey let’s recognize one another’s trials and struggles. And most importantly, we are saying to lend a hand when a hand is needed.
So to the married mom, I see you! And you’re doing a great job. Help may not be offered, but let’s normalize asking for help when we need it. If you’re like me, you avoid asking because you’ve received more brush-offs than you have help some days. That’s ok, ask anyway. And to the friends of married moms, be that helping hand. Sometimes a simple call to say “how’s it going” goes a long way. To the moms that have adult children now, remember the days that you needed that extra hand and pay it forward. Because let’s face it every mom needs a helping hand sometimes.
Cheers to every mom everywhere. It is an everyday job and not an easy one, being a mom is hard sometimes. Keep your head up and adjust your crown. . . It doesn’t matter if you are Married, Single, Widowed, Adoptive. . . Momma we salute, support, and honor you!