Most moms feel super guilty about needing “me time.” And when we do make the choice to take that break someone else will come along and add to that guilt. I’m always amazed at the plethora of comments on my husband’s social media posts telling him how much he deserves a break and saluting him for being a dad. However, if I dare to say, “I am tired,” I’m usually met with “that’s what a mom does.”
We have been conditioned to teach moms that they MUST burn both ends of the candle and be ok with it. Especially if you’re a working mom … jobs expect 110% of you, kids need 200%, and a spouse wants 300%. At the end of the day, I’m usually left wondering how I can schedule time
for myself. Before we go any further, moms are not complaining when we say we need a break. What we are saying is, there is only so much of us, and it is absolutely impossible to pour from an empty cup. Yet, the expectation is to pour from a cup that is bone dry from meeting expectations. We are saying that we still need and want our village. We also want to be recognized for being a good parent. It’s not about validation, but rather about ridding the expectation that we are supposed to be ok with being burned out.
This year, I want to not only see moms become more confident in taking time to recharge, but I want to see the village be more supportive of moms who need to do just that. Moms already judge themselves … we welcome you to not judge us and shame us for needing a moment. We want to normalize jobs that do not force us to choose work or our kids. Here’s a bonus: Mom will always choose her kids.
In 2022, in the process of trying to be a superhero, a nurse, a counselor, a personal stylist, a personal paparazzi, a gourmet sous chef, a wife, a business partner, and a full-time working professional, and a whole plethora of other things, I forgot to take care of me. As a result, my mental health took a nosedive. Now I know some of the moms reading this believe that married moms have it SUPER EASY. Well, I won’t crush your fantasies. But I won’t fuel them either (you’ll catch that in the carpool). I allowed mom guilt to keep me from putting myself first. So, when I wasn’t trying to win over my supervisor, it was all about my husband and kids. While I don’t really subscribe to New Year’s Resolutions … I do fully plan to find out who “Dee” is again … not employee Dee, not Mommy Dee, and not Wife Dee. Just Dee … I encourage you to do the same.
And if you are fortunate enough to be a part of a momma’s village. . . remind her and help her, find time to recharge. You may be surprised at how far a little village support can go.