Two weeks before conception, for counting purposes, I was already “pregnant,” but I had no idea that would be THE month. The first trimester begins with no warning. Armed with a 20 pack pregnancy test, we got our first positive on cycle day 29 (4 weeks, 1 day). What I felt fluctuated daily from ‘bliss’ to ‘OH WOW THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING’ to ‘ok, what now?!’ Even though I had read multiple articles and books, made charts and spreadsheets, I still felt like the floor had been removed from under my feet. I also somehow felt very calm. Pregnancy for me is a constant dichotomy between feeling completely frightened and deeply peaceful. At the same time. All the time.
I didn’t feel markedly tired at first. I still went for long walks and exercised, until around weeks 9-10 I started to feel extreme fatigue. Cannot-get-up-from-the-couch-to-feed-myself fatigue. At this point, I had recently had my first doctor’s appointment but had not shared the news at work or with most of my friends. I have to admit it, the fatigue played a big role in my decision to tell everyone at work. Usually, I’ll work standing, but that was just not possible at all. Besides, every 45-90 minutes I had to use the bathroom. Bad smells were SO bad. Good smells were SO bad. All the noises were SO LOUD. All the colors were SO vivid. PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE THE MICROWAVE BEEPING. I was a very tired spider.
We decided to tell people in person (or via video call since many of our family and friends live abroad). The waves of support, love, and cheer were so heartwarming! We were truly blown away. But apart from feeling all the feelings, the everlasting fatigue, and the newly found spider senses, there was not a lot going on. No, I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. Yes, there is a bump that I feel and no one can see. No, we have not decided on any names. I probably had to answer those questions to everybody. So, there.
During the whole first trimester, I was always kind of (figuratively) holding my breath because I know the chances of miscarrying are higher. I had a bunch of reassuring information and evidence of what was safe and what wasn’t, but still. My husband probably had to tell me every day after some daily ramble about how I shouldn’t have eaten so much sugar but I really really wanted to eat that brownie: “The baby will be alright. You are doing great. Don’t worry. Eat whatever you feel like eating.”
Another lifesaving event during the first trimester was finding this anonymous group of women whose babies are due in the same month. Thanks, Reddit! Every time I felt sad/worried/nervous/concerned/ happy or simply too little or too much pregnant, I could go in there and find women going through the same joy or struggle. Many of my friends who already have kids were very empathetic and had great advice, but figuring it all out with women who are at the same stage as me was invaluable. Also, it helped me not annoy everyone with too specific details that blew my mind but were not necessarily for public sharing. You know.
‘Live from the second trimester’ will be coming up soon. How was the beginning of your pregnancy?
Image by Anastasia Golovina.