Am I the Only Mom Like Me? {Isolation in Parenting}

I think we can all agree that parenting and mommyhood can be supremely isolating. Stay at home moms, working moms, work from home moms … so many combos these days and all of them have their own quirks and differences. But in that, I find myself often wondering, am I the only one like me? This question is born out of some frustration and true wonder.

Am I the only full-time working single mom in a demanding career job? Am I the only mom who has a flexible daytime, but not necessarily available for playdates? I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked for a weekday playdate, and I explain AGAIN that I work full-time. “Oh like ACTUALLY full-time?!”

Am I the only mom who is okay with dinnertime TV on a regular basis? Or even worse … okay with not eating with and the same food as my son!??? I am probably during irreparable harm, I know.

Am I the only one who doesn’t do bath time every night?

Am I the only one who travels for work and leaves her child behind at least once a month with an interrupted schedule?

I hope someone out there in mommy blogger reader land is nodding her head right now.

Am I the only one who left their kid rear facing in the car seat well past 2 years old?

Am I the only one who attempted homemade baby food for about two months and gave up?

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Am I the only one who has memorized all of the Kid’s Nights in Baton Rouge!?

Am I the only one who had a horrible pediatrician to start forcing me to doubt every decision I make?

Am I alone? Am I the only one like me?

Never in my life have I been more thankful for group texts, iced coffee, and my instinct than since I have become a mom.

Despite all of these supports and affirmations, I still wonder if I will ever find a kindred mom spirit. Will I be left out of all of the mom’s activities because they are during the work day? Will I always be using social media to prove that I do spend quality time with my son despite my busy schedule?

We are all different. Our families all have different challenges. Isolation will continue to be a real part of motherhood. But are we forcing greater isolation by not talking about our personal mom hurdlers?

I have been very vocal with friends, moms or otherwise, about the challenges I face in particular. I am honest about good days and bad days. I earnestly try to reach out to new moms to affirm everything they feel and are experiencing is real despite perception on what parenting “should look like.” As a fully solo parent (read no active co-parent), I haven’t had ONE person to share my experience with … which has allowed me to be open with lots of people about what parenting looks like for me. But in that, I still haven’t found another “mom like me.”

Till then iced coffee, group texts, and this blog will remind me that I might be the only mom I know like me, but I’m NOT alone!

Sarah Joy Hays is a native of Louisiana and graduate of LSU! She returned to Baton Rouge in 2015 after 6 years living and working in DC. She is a proud momma to an enthusiastic, red-haired toddler and is navigating all of this as a solo parent; fully relying on group texts with other moms, coffee, and Jesus. Sarah Joy, or SJ, has devoted much of her abundant spare time to the Moms on Campus, South Baton Rouge Presbyterian Church, and her newly founded Foundation that will focus on emergency disaster response. She claims to love to read, journal, and cook; but only manages one of the three out of daily necessity. SJ dreams of having a Target collaboration based on coffee mugs and dry shampoo one day… till then she will enjoy running her bakery CounterspaceBR and growing a consulting business!

1 COMMENT

  1. You are totally not alone! Full time working single mom, here, too. I don’t only travel a few times a year, but the logistics of that are so daunting!! We love our food network during dinner and do baths every other night!! (Enjoyed all your other blog posts, not sure how I missed these older ones!).

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